There is a moment in many relationships when a couple realizes, We don’t want to keep doing things the way we’ve been doing them.

Sometimes there has been too much conflict. Sometimes the relationship has simply become buried under work, children, responsibilities, routines, and the busyness of everyday life. And sometimes nothing is particularly “wrong”—the couple just misses feeling close, playful, curious, and connected.

For the past 10 years, I have had the privilege of leading Gottman couples workshops in our community, helping couples learn practical skills for creating stronger, more connected relationships. Over the last three years, I’ve brought these workshops into a retreat setting at Breitenbush Hot Springs, and it has become something I deeply love.

I’m always looking for new ways to create meaningful experiences for couples, which has also led me to discover beautiful new destinations. This year, I brought Love That Lasts to Orcas Island, and I’m excited to return. I’m also adding The Society Hotel in Bingen, Washington, to my retreat offerings.

The locations may change, but the heart of the experience remains the same: helping couples slow down, reconnect, learn something new about each other, and remember that their relationship deserves intentional time and attention.

A retreat is different from couples therapy

As a couples therapist, I value therapy deeply. Therapy gives couples a place to slow down, understand patterns, work through painful experiences, and make meaningful changes.

A workshop retreat is different.

It isn’t about coming because your relationship is “in trouble.” It is an opportunity to step outside your normal environment before problems become bigger problems.

There is no laundry waiting at home, no work meeting in an hour, no phone constantly pulling you away. Instead, you have dedicated time to focus on the person sitting beside you.

And you are not simply listening to someone teach about relationships. You are practicing.

Learning together—and then turning toward each other

The Gottman Method is based on decades of research about what helps relationships thrive. During the retreat, I introduce couples to practical concepts from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, but the real experience happens when couples begin applying those ideas to their own relationship.

We move between teaching, conversation, individual reflection, group discussion, and private exercises for each couple.

You might learn something as a group and then turn toward your partner and ask, What does this look like for us?

You might rediscover something you appreciate about your partner that has gotten lost in the busyness of life.

You might recognize a familiar conflict pattern and finally see it from a different perspective.

And sometimes, couples simply laugh together again.

That matters more than we sometimes realize.

There is something powerful about being with other couples

One of the unexpected gifts of a group retreat is realizing that you are not the only couple figuring this out.

Couples of different ages and backgrounds often discover that they struggle with surprisingly similar things: communication, feeling unheard, managing conflict, finding time for intimacy, balancing responsibilities, or simply staying connected.

The group creates a sense of normalcy and community. You can learn from other couples without having to share the most private details of your own relationship.

One couple who attended my Breitenbush retreat described appreciating the “mix of instruction and exercises” and especially the group sharing and discussion between couples. They also loved that being at the hot springs—and having limited cell service—helped them step away from the distractions of home and work.

That is exactly what I hope to create.

The setting is part of the experience

After 10 years of hosting workshops, I’ve learned that where we do the work matters.

That is why I continue to explore new destinations and create retreats in places that invite couples to slow down.

At Breitenbush Hot Springs, couples can move between learning and soaking in the hot springs, walking through the forest, resting, eating nourishing food, and simply being together.

On Orcas Island, the ocean, trees, quiet, and spaciousness create a completely different rhythm.

And at The Society Hotel in Bingen, Washington, couples will have the opportunity to experience the beauty of the Columbia River Gorge while enjoying comfortable accommodations, a spa, nourishing meals, and plenty of space to relax and reconnect.

There is something powerful about taking relationship work out of an office and placing it in nature.

You learn something about connection in the morning, take a walk together in the afternoon, enjoy a soak or spa treatment, share a meal, and then notice how the conversation continues naturally.

The retreat becomes more than a workshop.

It becomes a pause from ordinary life.

What couples tell me afterward

Joanne and Ron attended my Orcas Island retreat this spring and described their weekend as being filled with “connection, learning, discovery, communication, love, kindness, and meaningful reflection.”

What stayed with them most was having the opportunity to slow down and focus on one another without outside distractions.

They wrote that the retreat gave them “a breath of fresh air” and created a safe, comfortable environment where they could do meaningful relationship work while still experiencing the weekend as enjoyable, uplifting, and fun.

That combination is important to me.

Relationship work doesn’t have to feel heavy all the time.

It can be curious.
It can be playful.
It can be hopeful.
And sometimes, it can even be fun.

Another couple, married for 47 years told me that the exercises helped them rediscover wonderful things about their relationship that they had forgotten. They laughed together, learned something new about each other, and were reminded that relationship growth doesn’t have an expiration date.

I love that.

You don’t have to wait until something is wrong

One of my favorite things about the Gottman workshops is that couples come for many different reasons.

Some are newly married.

Some are preparing for marriage.

Some have been together for decades.

Some are doing well and simply want to make a good relationship even stronger.

Others feel stuck in patterns they don’t know how to change.

You don’t need to be in crisis to invest in your relationship.

In fact, I often wish more couples would come before they feel desperate for change.

A relationship is something we build over time, through hundreds of small moments—how we respond when our partner reaches for us, how we handle disappointment, how we express appreciation, how we repair after an argument, and how we continue learning about each other as we change.

A chance to begin again

I think of these retreats as restarts—not because something has necessarily gone wrong, but because every relationship benefits from a chance to pause and begin again with intention.

After 10 years of facilitating these workshops, this is what continues to inspire me: watching couples slow down enough to really see each other again.

For one weekend, you get to put the rest of the world on hold.

You get to remember why you chose each other.

You get to learn new ways of communicating.

You get to practice.

You get to laugh.

You get to rest.

And perhaps most importantly, you get to look across the table at your partner and remember:

We are on the same team.

That is what Love That Lasts is really about.

Not creating a perfect relationship.